In the ever-busy world of managing a household, women are often the unsung heroes, doing more of the digital labour under the radar. As I scurry to put together costumes for a dress-up day after a ping from the school chat, it hits me—this scramble happens so often, it feels second nature. Many families operate the same way; even as fathers step up, women still remain the primary organisers at home.
Research illustrates this unrecognised workload, often referred to as the “mental load.” This encompasses the planning and organising of daily tasks, many of which have now merged into digital formats. A cross-national study analysed data from over 6,600 parents in 29 countries, revealing that women often juggle both the familial and professional facets of digital communication, essentially doubling their burden.
Yang Hu, leading the research from Lancaster University, highlighted that this digital communication adds pressure—especially for mothers working from home. The pandemic accelerated this situation, with women 1.6 times more likely than men to experience dual pressures of balancing work and family obligations. They say that when looking at local chat groups, the reality is clear: mums dominate conversations about events, concerns, and general parenting support.
Support can sometimes be a bit skewed. One mother shared she splits tasks with her partner—she’s on class chats, while he handles emails. However, emails simmer quietly in the background compared to the buzzing activity of group chats. Shopping for groceries, clothing, and supplies has similarly shifted online, meaning women continue to bear a digital burden that’s often overlooked.
Even couples who aim for equality find gender norms infiltrate their relationship. The digital tools we assume lighten the load can actually become another layer of responsibility for women. As the late feminist scholar Joan Acker wisely pointed out, we have to make the invisible visible. If it’s unacknowledged, it’s likely it won’t be noted—let alone addressed.
Another contributing factor is the flexible work arrangements that many women utilise, often out of necessity for childcare. This flexibility, far from liberating them, can instead intensify their responsibilities—what some refer to as the “flexibility paradox.” Heejung Chung from King’s College London found that working from home often leads to women handling more housework, as their roles traditionally involve maintaining family organisation, even if they occupy leadership positions in their careers.
The crux here is clear: the more women manage at home, the less they can devote to their careers, feeding into the gender pay gap and stress-related issues. The findings resonate widely—women consistently feel pressured to balance their professional and domestic lives with a noticeable imbalance favouring household or nurturing roles.
The hidden work, known as the mental load, is a complex intersection of cognitive and emotional labour. It requires constant anticipation, planning, and overseeing tasks—most of which fall on women’s shoulders. While it’s true that men are gradually taking on more responsibility at home compared to decades past, there’s still a significant gap in everyday tasks.
Enter solutions that could facilitate a fairer distribution of duties. If couples treat tasks as shared processes—not merely assigning roles—this could help in ensuring responsibilities are recognised and less burdensome. A shared journey through essentials like grocery shopping or meal preparation fosters a sense of joint responsibility, making it easier to keep track of needs.
To truly alleviate the load, dividing all facets of digital communication relevant to family matters is vital. Strategies might include involving fathers in local parenting groups or splitting tasks like researching extracurricular options. With regular, open dialogue, families can more effectively share responsibilities and make the hidden aspects of digital parenting visible.
Ultimately, as women’s societal roles evolve, we must challenge the outdated perception that assumes mothers should maintain an organisation-centric role within households. Perhaps looking at Scandinavian countries, where paid parental leave and shared parenting responsibilities are the norm, could offer a model for change. Having both parents actively involved in care could balance the digital load and reshape perceptions about family duties.
The technological responsibility shouldn’t fall to just one person. By recognising and addressing these dynamics, we can start to share the burdens more evenly—together, as families.
Melissa Hogenboom is a BBC journalist and author of The Motherhood Complex and her upcoming book, Breadwinners (2025).
Women disproportionately carry the digital load at home, facing an increased mental burden due to the intersection of caregiving and technology. Research shows that women juggle family and work communication, exacerbated by flexible working conditions. This often leads to stress, relationship dissatisfaction, and contributes to the gender pay gap. To address this hidden labour, families must actively share responsibilities and communicate openly about workload. Acknowledging this imbalance is key to fostering equality at home.
The invisible burden of digital labour falls heavily on women, often increasing mental strain and complicating their professional lives. By acknowledging and restructuring how household responsibilities are shared, particularly through digital channels, families have a path forward. Equal engagement in these tasks by both parents could improve the work-life balance and shift long-standing societal norms surrounding caregiving. Transparency, open dialogue, and shared duties are vital to relieve this often unnoticed workload.
Original Source: www.bbc.com
